Boujee Money

It’s Friday night, I’m bartending, group of six come in, three guys, three girls.  We get to talking, they’re in from Chicago for a wedding.

After serving the first round, six beers, one guy nods his head to me, says, I’ll take the round.  Everybody else is busy talking.  I grab his card, run it, give him the receipt to sign.

One of his buddies exclaim, DUDE.  What are you doing?!?  We’re not DOING that, you paying for the drinks.  We don’t want your BOUJEE money.

He smiles, says, dude.  Don’t worry about it.

Later on, the group leaves, except for Mr. Boujee.  We get to chatting, I say, I can kind of imagine what the word boujee infers, but where does it come from?

He says, ya know, bourgeois.  Bourgeois money.

And that’s the thing right there for all you haters.  If you just give in to the notion, you really can learn something from Millennials.

-Clint

 

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I’m Not Judging You

I’m bartending the hotel bar, woman comes up, says, I’d like a glass of your house Chardonnay.  And can you put some olives in it?  

I imperceptibly make a face.

But she notices.

Says, I know, I know.  it’s weird, but I like olives!

I say, hey, hey.  (Shrugging my shoulders).  I’m not judging you.  I’d never judge.  Who am I to judge?

She smiles, says, thank you.

I get her glass of Chardonnay, put some olives in it.

Just FYI:  If anyone ever says to you, I’m not judging you, most of the time,

There’s some serious judging going on.

-Clint

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What You Get For Stiffing Your Server

I’m serving at the hotel bar, two ladies sit down in my section. They are of foreign descent. Here’s the problem with foreigners: many times it’s not in their custom to tip, which I am aware of. That’s fine, we all come from different cultures, with different customs. Hey, where these two ladies are from, the servers probably make an amazing hourly rate. They don’t necessarily need a tip. Unfortunately, here in the US of A, servers make a meager wage. That’s all fine of course, as long as their customers are tipping.

I take the ladies order. One wants to start out with hot tea. Unfortunately, the only place we can get hot water is way over in the gift shop. But that’s fine. I’ll hustle over there to get a guest a hot cup of tea. That’s just what I do. The other lady orders a hot chocolate. She says, do you have unsweetened hot chocolate? I’d like that. Huh. Unsweetened hot chocolate? Where the hell you get that? I say, I’m sorry, we don’t have unsweetened hot chocolate, but in the server station we have a Keurig and hot chocolate pods. That’s the best I can do. She thinks for a moment, then says, that’s fine.

I get their drinks, take their order, everything runs smoothly, food gets on the table in a timely manner, and I get their check when they request it.

They leave after some time, I clean off their table, grab their tab, yep, you guessed it…

A big zero in the tip line.

More specifically, they didn’t even put anything in the tip or total line. Just signed the check. Which is almost more annoying.

The next day, I’m serving again, I turn around, and one of the ladies from the night before, approaches.

Oh hi! she says, excitedly. Remember me?

I say, as a matter of fact I do! You were at Table 22 last night, wanted the unsweetened hot chocolate, and at the end of the night, STIFFED ME!!!

Ok, of course I didn’t say that. I just said, yes. I remember you.

With a trace of so what.

She says, I’m looking to get an apple. Do you know where I could find one?

I say, an APPLE? Yeah I got your apple RIGHT HERE (as I grab my crotch).

Ok. No I didn’t say that. Or grab my crotch.

Instead, I say, yeah, you can find apples in the gift shop. Over there.

But I didn’t say it as enthusiastically as I would have said it if she had tipped me. So BLAM lady.

IN YOUR FACE!!!

-Clint

 

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The Origins Of Putting A Lime In A Corona

I’m at the bar with my fellow bartender, guy comes up, and orders a Corona.  Do you want a lime with that?  Of course!  

This commonplace exchange got me thinking…  Who was the first person to put a lime in a Corona, and why?

After doing some internet research, I’m even more lost.  There are a number of theories.  The best ones:  to keep flies and bugs out, to mask the skunky flavor caused from having a clear bottle that reflects light changing the taste of the beer, and of course, some cynical bartender saying, watch me put a lime in this beer, and it go viral.

Whatever the reason, I’m sure it began as something, and then turned in to something completely different.  You just have to decide whether you like the taste of lime in your cerveza.  If you do, go for it, hombre!  

It kind of reminds me of the ritual of people packing their cigarettes before they open it.  I’m sure you’ve seen some addict doing it while walking out of a Kum And Go.  I’m pretty sure when the ritual began years ago, they were doing it to a pack of filterless cigarettes.  So yeah, actually a good idea to pack the cigarettes with your palm before you open it.  If you’ve ever smoked a Lucky or a Camel Straight, you’ll understand why it is helpful.  If you don’t pack the tobacco as much as possible, you’ll be constantly picking the tobacco off of your lips.  And that’s no fun.  But since the advent of cigarettes with a FILTER, do you really need to pack the cigarettes?  Not really.  But the ritual continues.

Another article I read about the origins of the lime in the Corona talked about how legally in the state of New York, a bartender could be FINED for touching a lime wedge with their bare hands/fingers.  Now, when was the last time you saw a bartender wearing gloves, or used a tong when grabbing a lime, and putting it in the neck of a Corona?  Like, never.  Can you imagine how time-consuming and laborious that would be?  And I don’t think anyone wants to see a bartender wearing gloves.  That would just be weird.  But again, legally in the state of New York, a bartender can’t touch a lime.  Your options are to grab the tongs and put the lime in with that, or place the lime wedge on a napkin, and present it to your guest with the beer, which is a little over the top.  I think I can speak for most when I say if you see a bartender grab the tongs, you’re gonna want to roll your eyes.  We’re not surgeons.

But of course, perhaps, psychologists.  But I don’t think they wear gloves…or use tongs.

Probably my favorite explanation for using a lime in a Corona was that some gringo thought it’d be funny to get a bunch of people to put a lime in a Corona.  But, I must admit, it looks good in that clear glass, with that white and blue label.  Then I’m sure the execs at Corona caught wind of it, and thought, this is marketing GOLD.

There’s one thing I will guarantee.  If you go down to Mexico, and you see a Mexican drinking a Corona, there’s not going to be a lime in their Corona.  It seems to be a very American thing to do, and if you ask for that lime in the Corona, everyone will know you’re a tourista.

-Clint

 

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An Easy Way To Remember How To Make A Manhattan

A Manhattan is a beautiful and simple drink.  You really appreciate it when you have to start making cocktails with more than three ingredients.  Here’s a sure-fire way to make a delicious Manhattan, and an easy way to remember how to do it.

Start with 2 oz of Bourbon.  If you’re at home making cocktails, don’t be afraid to buy/use a jigger to get things precise.  For starters, I would use Bulleit Bourbon, or Makers Mark is always a good go-to.  I also like Woodford Reserve.

Next, use 1 oz of Sweet Vermouth.  This will smooth things out with the drink, and sweeten it up.

After that, 2 dashes of Bitters, and you’ve got yourself a Manhattan.

2 oz Bourbon, 1 oz of Sweet Vermouth, 2 dashes of Bitters.  (And a cherry).

And do you know what the Area Code for Manhattan is?  

Drum roll please…

212.

-Clint

 

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Eating My Calories Tonight

It’s a Thursday night, 6ish, I’m serving at the hotel restaurant.  A table of four sits in my section, I approach, hand out menus, say my introductions.  Can I start you guys out with something to drink?  A brunette, mid-40’s, opens up the menu, and says, with confidence,

I’ve decided I’m going to EAT my calories tonight.

-Clint

 

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Revenant

Young guy comes up to the bar, sits down. I’d say he’s mid-20’s, kind of on the preppy side. He orders a drink, I make it, set it down, we get to talking. On the TV at the bar, The Revenant is playing. We get to talking about movies. He tells me he likes Rom-Com movies, which is my least favorite genre. He says, I’ll watch any kind of movie, except for horror. I say, I LOVE horror movies! Why don’t you like them? He says, I’ve been possessed by the devil nine times, starting at age 9. I’ve been to Hell. Actual Hell. If you don’t believe Jesus Christ was here, died for our sins, and is our Lord and Savior, we’re not talking anymore.

I open my mouth to respond, think better of it, turn back to the TV to see my old buddy Leo getting mauled by a bear. 

The bear looks so real. 

-Clint

 

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