Break In At The Bar

Friday night, my fellow bartender, drops a thick, black Velcro wallet behind the bar, and says, somebody found this. I look inside, check out the license, I know the guy, he’s been in all night, drinking Car Bombs. Guy needs a new haircut, long brown hair past the shoulders, and Dumb and Dumber bangs. I’m not judging, just describing. I know he’s in 2-3 bands. I’m not going to say his name, you know, I don’t want to get in trouble, for whatever reason.

1/2 hour later, he slurs up to the bar, and barks, did you find my wallet?  I grab it, without saying anything, and toss it to him.

End of the night, I clean up the bar.  Count the register, that crap. Joe comes in from the outdoor bar, plops down on a tall table, counts his tips. We talk, nothing in particular. I wrap things up, 2:45-3am, Joe’s still there, I say, can you turn the lights off when you’re done?  He says sure.

Fast-forward to Saturday night. I take off the early show, my dad’s in town from San Diego. I walk down 4th Street 9ish, get to the door, and the glass is all spider-webbed, looking like somebody kicked it in. Damnit!!  Not again. This happens every 6 months…without fail.

I walk in, Joe’s behind the bar. What the hell, Joe?  What happened to the door? Well…about 15 minutes after you left last night, I’m getting ready to leave, I hear someone jiggling the door knob to the side-door. I mean, really pushing and pulling on it. After a minute, they’re at the front door. I peek out. I can’t really see the guy. He has long hair. He starts kicking the door in. Trying to break in. I think he’s trying to rob the place.  I call 911. Cops are here in less than a minute. Guy runs down the alley. Cops catch him, cuff him, take him to the cop car. Well, his name is blank, he’s got really long blond hair. Bangs. Wait…does he have brown hair?  Yeah, that’s it. Brown hair, I mean. I think he’s in some bands.

I know that guy, I say. He was in earlier…ordering Car Bombs.  With his buddy.  Well, he’s in jail right now. On charges for criminal mischief, drugs, alcohol, breaking and entering. He’s on Iowa Mug Shots.

First thought that came to mind was, I wonder if he was so wasted, he lost his Velcro wallet again, and thought, I might have left it at the Mews. So, brilliant idea, I need to break in the Mews, find it, because, what if I get pulled over by the cops, and I don’t have my driver’s license. I’d get a fine for that!!

I get a mass text from Ladd today, he says, this guy Alan (oh I just said his name, slipped out) plays in 3 bands. I guess we probably shouldn’t book those bands, for awhile.  He attached the mug shot, orange shirt, hilariously wide-eyed shot of the guy. Worth the time to look up.

You know, in closing, we at the Vaudeville Mews, are EXTREMELY FORGIVING. We understand, shit happens (sometimes, literally), we get you drunk, you do stupid things. I know I have. If you do what Alan did, after you get out of jail, just man-up, come in to the Mews, apologize profusely, and pay for the damn damages. We will forgive you. And maybe even give you a hug. Cause, I think, you will need it.

From my heart to yours,

Clint Curtis. Bartender.

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