It’s Saturday night, music’s done, bands are loading out, and there’s this couple, all over each other, just goin’ to town, at the bar. What trips me out, is when I have to watch them make-out, tongues down each others throats. You know, there’s a reason why porn stars don’t kiss. It’s an intimate act, and should be done in PRIVATE. I can’t even stand watching 2 actors kissing. It really weirds me out, and I’ll always look away. Tell me when it’s done, so I can finish watching this crappy movie, please.  And thank you.

So anywho, this couple are really enjoying themselves.  I’m trying to ignore it, give them their space. Washing my glasses, counting my tips. But they’re still THERE, and I can FEEL THEM doing what they’re doing. And I don’t want to be that guy…oh hey, why don’t you GET A ROOM. Or worse, a cock blocker. Cause, you know, I want everybody in the world to get some, right?  But maybe not while I’m 409ing the tables.

Finally, I can’t take it anymore. I say, hey guys, you know what?  Have you ever seen our Green Room?  It’s really cool. It’s got some great graffiti on the wall, and a nice comfy couch. It’s right over there. Go check it out!

The girl jumps up, and starts speed-walking to the Green Room. Yeah, let’s check it out. I’ve always wanted to see the Green Room in here.  The guy follows. Then I say, as a final farewell, while you’re in there, could you tidy up the place?  If it takes you 10-15 minutes, that’s fine. And make sure you close the door behind you. To get the whole scope of the room. The guy says yeah, we’ll do that, and closes the door.

Sure enough, about 15 minutes later, the door flies open, the man exits the side door like he’s fleeing the scene of a crime, and the girl beelines it into the bathroom.

Now I don’t know exactly what went on in there, but I tell you, the place sure was tidy, when I poked my head in.

From my heart to yours,

Clint Curtis. Bartender.


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