Piss Water

I try not to flinch when somebody orders a drink. Hennessey, Apple Pucker, and Orange Juice?  Sure. Tanqueray and Coke?  OK. 2 shots of Hot Damn? Coming right up, Madame. Because, who am I to judge?  Nobody. I created a martini called A Something Fruity. You know, when a lady is ordering a drink, and she says, I want something fruity, I don’t hesitate. You bet. Boom. Here it is. What’s in it?  3 red puckers and orange juice. Sweet as hell, and the ladies love it.

I’ve bartended for almost 10 years now, and I swear, I hear something new almost every day. This guy asked a couple weeks ago, can I get a vodka martini, extra vermouth. I was like, huh?  EXTRA vermouth?  I haven’t heard that one before, but pour, pour, pour, here you go.

So this girl comes up to the bar last night, and says, yeah, I want a tequila…and Redbull. I took a pause. A long pause. Like I said, I don’t blink an eye when someone orders a drink. They want it, I make it. But tequila and Redbull?  Come on, woman!!!

I take a deep breath, and say, oh kay. I grab a glass, a tall one, cause why not? Ice, Juarez tequila (the good stuff…I kid), and top it off with Redbull. I slide it over to her, and say. I’m sorry, cutey, but I’m gonna have to take a dollar off that drink. She says, great. Why?

Cause I feel guilty for making you drink it.

And then she said, oh, no. It’s really good.

I’m sure it is, honey. I’m sure it is.

I’ll take your word for it.

She smiles and takes a long sip of it. Mmmmm, she says, with a grin.

So I tried it. What the hell. Not bad, not bad.

If you like to drink piss.

From my heart to yours,

Clint Curtis. Bartender.

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