The Case Of The Missing Funyuns

I’m so angry with my co-worker right now. Just seething. I get a big bag of Funyuns from the bodega, it’s my dinner cause I’m sick of all the food on 4th. So I eat some, get done, fold the top (to keep the freshness), and put a paper clip on the top. About 10 minutes later, I take a break, five minutes tops, I come back, and look at my bag of Funyuns. Yep. Paper clip missing, top WIDE open. I ask my fellow bartender, angrily, who took my Funyuns? He thumbs it at the door. Door guy, he says. I walk over there, briskly, and confront him.

Listen, buddy, I know you scrounged my Funyuns. The paper clip was off the top. You know, before you leave the scene of the crime, you gotta put things back exactly how they were, before you got em. You steal some great piece of art, you gotta replace it with an exact replica. Understand me?

He says, fuck you. How bout that?

I guess I’ll let that one slide. He did buy me the Funyuns, and all.

From my heart to yours,

Clint Curtis. Bartender.


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