The Pizza Slice

Customer story:  I’m in the Quad Cities, with my girlfriend. It’s a Saturday night, we get wasted. Around three o’clock, we find a pizza place. I get a slice. I’m so hungry, I can’t wait to bite into it.

I go to take the first bite, and the slice, slips outta my hand. Oh, shit. I go to pick it up. It’s got a buncha gravel on it. Dirt. Inedible. I’m so pissed, cause I’m so hungry, I chuck the thing, in the air. And then I see where it’s headed. Right for this Kia. It’s probably like a 92 Kia. It hits it on the side window. Smack. Then smears down.  There’s like 6 people in the car. They jump out, arms swingin in the air.

Oh, no you didn’t throw a pizza slice at my car!  That sorta thing. They call the cops. Cops come. They’re sayin it’s a hate crime to the cops. Cause I threw a slice at their car. Hate crime!!!!  It’s a hate crime!!  Cop rolls his eyes, and cuffs me. Takes me in, to prevent a riot.

I’m in there, my girlfriend calls her mother. At 4am. You gotta pick us up. We’re stranded in the Quad Cities. We’re in jail, and we don’t know where we are.

Nothing came of it. No charges. They were gonna charge me with Disorderly Conduct, but mysteriously, the paperwork “got lost”.

And that’s the story, of how a pizza slice, became a hate crime.

From my heart to yours,

Clint Curtis. Bartender.


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