I’m at the bar. It’s around midnight. Nine people tops in the bar. Girl comes up, right before she’s about to leave, and says, there’s a girl puking in the sink in the Women’s Room, just so you know. Awesome. Great. Thanks for telling me. I bolt to the bathroom. I want to catch this chick red-handed. Sure enough, I open the door, this chick is standing next to the sink, sink is overflowing with orange vomit. The thing that pisses me off the most is I only served her ONE DRINK. And she didn’t seem drunk when I served it to her. Yeah, cool, go to other bars, get drunk, come here, have a Bud Light, and vomit all up in my sink.
I say, I know you gotta puke, but there’s a toilet right there. She gives me this bullshit half-grin. I get it, prissy didn’t want to get her knees dirty when she’s puking at the toilet. Awesome. Her friend’s in there, I tell her, I’ll go get you somethin. I make my exit, go to the Men’s Room, grab a plunger, go to the bar, grab the fucking 409 and a towel, and take them to the bathroom. I open the door, and set them down in front of them. Yeah, I say. You can take care of this for me. Thanks. Her friend says, yeah. I will. I leave, get behind the bar, and fume. The absolute disrespect for another human being is amazing. I know you’re drunk, I get it, it’s sometimes my fault, so I’ll put on some rubber gloves and clean up after you. Grab the toilet brush, not the end of the world. But to knowingly upchuck in the SINK, YOU KNOW IT’S GONNA CLOG IT UP.
I go change some kegs, blow off some steam. I come back five minutes later, my friend’s sitting at the bar. Did you see two girls leave the Women’s Room? She says, no I didn’t. Minute later, upchuck’s friend comes out of the bathroom, and quietly says, I cleaned it all up for you. Could I have a cup of water, please? All right, I say. I give her a cup of water, she goes back to the bathroom.
They both leave ten minutes later, in an all-out sprint for the door. I look in the bathroom. Shit’s sparkling.
Just another night at the bar.
From my heart to yours,
Clint Curtis. Bartender.