I’m a Sharpie Nazi. What’s that, you say? Well, try to borrow a Sharpie from me, see what happens. I know you gotta sign your albums and posters for your fans, and I think that’s great. Proud of you that people give a shit for your shit. But why don’t you bring your own damn Sharpie?
This is how it works. Band member comes up, says, yeah. Do you have a Sharpie I can borrow? Sure, I say, rummage around in our pen pitcher, find a Sharpie, give it to em. I need this back, please. Oh yeah, they say. You bet. End of night, where’s my Sharpie? Gone, that’s where. Sharpie’s are like lighters. Fair game to steal. And I understand. Who doesn’t like a free Sharpie? Shit’s wonderful.
I get wise after awhile. Band member comes up, can I borrow a Sharpie? Sure, I say. Just need to hold onto your ID, and we’re good. They give me the ID, I give them a Sharpie, they use it, bring it back, they get their ID back. Problem solved.
Tonight, band member comes up, says, I’ll give you my van key if I can borrow a Sharpie. Your van key? Hmmm.
Word must’ve got out. Guy behind the bar is the Sharpie Nazi.
From my heart to yours,
Clint Curtis. Bartender.