A Birthday Present

I’m on break, I forgot to pack a dinner from home, so I have to eat downtown. I go next door to the coffee shop. I get a cup of red pepper Gouda and a chocolate chip cookie. I eat it, then chew two Tums after. I have a sensitive stomach, so I have to be careful what I eat.

Uh-oh. Here it comes. I can’t do anything about it. It slips out. Ok, I may have let it go. Sue me. My fellow bartender walks over to me right after. He exclaims, you bitch!  That’s disgusting. Hey man, sorry. Had the Gouda.

We’re chatting after the show, sound guy, bartender and I, my fellow bartender calls me out on it. Clint has the nastiest farts. And he doesn’t tell you he’s gonna do it. He surprises you with it. You hafta ask, did you just fart? And then he starts laughing…hysterically.

I start laughing hysterically as he’s saying this.

See, right there, he says. Just like that.

I say, hey. It’s like giving someone a birthday present. You don’t tell them what you got them before they open it.

You make it a surprise.

From my heart to yours,

Clint Curtis. Bartender.

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