The Bartender’s Such A Dick

I’ve recently realized that I’m a dick. Ok, here’s where a person backtracks. Oh, well, I CAN be a dick. Or, I was being a dick in that situation, I admit. No. I’m a dick. I take FULL RESPONSIBILITY. So why do you spend time with me? Yeah, you. You read my stories, you laugh along to Clint being a dick. Good job, you. Hope you feel good about yourself.

Now, I’m not going to backtrack on this, and tell you some rationalization WHY I’m a dick. Wouldn’t that be lame? As if, I have a justification for being one. There’s no justification. I have none, and don’t deserve one.

But hey, let’s make it interesting, I’ll explain a few things.

I’ve TRIED to write nice stories about nice people. OF COURSE I HAVE. But you know what? They all turn out LAME. I write them, I think, good, Clint. You’re not being a dick in this one, making fun of someone. And then, the next day, I read it, right before I post, and I think,

This is horseshit.

My wife says it, and I agree with her. You’re always making fun of people. My justification back to her is, hey, I make fun of myself right along with it. THAT’S COMEDY RIGHT THERE. You’re fat, you tell fat jokes. You make fun of yourself. Then, other people laugh at you, and maybe, they laugh with you sometimes. You get the audience to think, ok, yeah, this guy is embracing his faults, why can’t I?

I’m a firm believer in this: if you’re not laughing, there’s something wrong with you. Think about that the next time you’re depressed. What is wrong with me? I should be laughing about this. Yeah, you’re taking yourself too seriously. I do it ALL THE TIME. Oh this is SO SERIOUS. And then I stop myself. In actuality, this is bullshit, and I’m a dipshit.

As well as a dick.

So what do I write about for my bartender stories? Do I write about, oh this customer came up, and he was so nice to me. So polite! He said thank you a couple times, and then he tipped me handsomely. Oh gee-wiz.

Yeah, you read two lines of that, and, NEXT.

And oh I’m writing for a music venue. Don’t you think it would be a good idea to talk about the bands that play the bar every once in a while, Clint? Sure, how about this: Man, I saw this band last night, and they were so fricking good. They rocked my world!!! From start to finish, they killed it. I was on the FLOOR. So if you’re interested in checking them out, here’s a link to their Bandcamp, or you can check them out on Facebook, or Instagram, or Porn Tube….

Blah, blah, blah.

So in closing, I’m a dick. I’m going to write stories about people that make me laugh, and I’m going to write them so you laugh at them too. And maybe, every once in a while, I’ll open up, show you how HUMAN I am, and how, ohhhh.

I make mistakes, too.

-Clint Curtis

Butt Face

2 thoughts on “The Bartender’s Such A Dick

  1. Holly Herbert

    I the the “non-dick” post about the writing process and the pile of leaves the most. Don’t forget to sprinkle in that kind of stuff on ocassion. Show us some romance instead of whipping it out and giving it to us with no lube.

    Xo, Holly

    1. Clint Curtis Post author

      Thanks, Holly! Always love feedback. Yeah, I write tons of personal stories, bartender philosophy, human interest stories, random stories. Since I’m writing for the Mews, I feel the need to focus on bar stories. But thank you for the suggestion. I’m thinking I’ll post a random story once a week. -CC


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