I’m at swim practice, watching my oldest son Liam. I can’t find him in the water, there’s so many kids. And he’s gonna be pissed if he thinks I’m not watching. He even complains to his mother. Mom! Dad wasn’t watching me. All he does is be on his phone, or read a book.
I’m in the stands, parents all around. An older gentleman sits to my left. All of a sudden, I feel the bleacher below me start vibrating. Bbbbbbbbb. What the hell is going on? Is it an earthquake? I look over to the old guy next to me, he’s got one of his ass cheeks up, and letting out the largest farts. It’s a long one too. I just watch it all go down. He finishes up, and I swear to Christ, he busts out this big smile, and says,