Tomorrow Is The End Of The World

I read on a reliable website that tomorrow is the end of the world. It didn’t actually say how the world is going to end, it just said, tomorrow the world will end.

So of course, I thought, holy shit! I’ve got 24 hours to party it up! What should I do?

First off, in the afternoon, I’d get a racquetball game going. I’m obsessed with racquetball right now. I actually FILM my racquetball games, so I can learn from them. I think getting a good game in before the end of the world would be great. Take the mind off things.

On my way home from the game, I would make a couple stops. First off, the liquor store. Yes, sir. What is your most expensive bottle of scotch? Great! I’ll take two bottles, please. And also a pack of Marlboro Lights. You know what? What the hell? Make it the Red’s.

Then I’d stop at Whole Food’s, buy a shit-ton of caviar. I love caviar. I’d buy the most expensive caviar they have.

Then I’d pick up my kids at school. Hey you know what? Let’s stop at Kum And Go, get you whatever the hell candy you want. Really, dad? Oh yeah, sky’s the limit. Whatever junk food you want, go crazy.

We’d get home, the wife would get home from work, we’d have dinner. I wouldn’t want to go out anywhere, my wife’s the best cook. Maybe Pork Chops, with mushrooms on it. Then rice.

After dinner, I would tell the family excuse me, go out to the garage, open up my bottle of scotch, light up a cigarette. AHHHHH. Tastes so good.

Mind you, I haven’t smoked a cigarette in almost 8 years, or had a drink in 3, so THAT’S how good it’s gonna taste.

I’d go back in after about four cigarettes, and a half-bottle of scotch, my wife would probably be pissed, but who cares? Last day on Earth.

Then I’d just spend some quality time with my family. Maybe invite my mom over, hang out with her.

Later on, after everybody’s gone to bed, I’d grab the caviar, the scotch, the cigarettes, my wife’s iPad, and watch my racquetball game on Youtube, see where I can improve.

-Clint Curtis

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