From The Big City

It’s martini night. Here’s stories from it:

A lot of people ordering Summer Sensations. This weather, people are feeling in the mood for summer, even if it’s just the name of the martini. It has peach vodka, lemonade, and ginger ale in it. We run out of ginger ale in the can, I make my own.

Sprite. Splash of Coke. Three dashes of bitters.

I’m chatting with my fellow bartender, he tells me he’s quitting smoking. He’s got six more cigs left in the pack, then that’s it. I tell him, do you want me to make fun of you when you can’t do it? He says, please, don’t. I say, WHATS UP WITH THAT??  Please, don’t?  You need to say, you’re not going to have THE CHANCE to make fun of me. I have balls of steel. I’m done. I’m never smoking again.

He says, you’re right.

Guy comes up, slaps his wallet down on the counter, opens it, smiles. He’s got a number of teeth missing. He says, it’s my birthday tonight. Do you give out free shots? I say, tell you what. You buy a drink off me, I’ll buy you a shot. He opens up his wallet, it’s empty. He says, but I don’t have any money. I say, sorry. Can’t help you.

It’s busy, my fellow bartender took off twenty minutes ago. Let me explain something to you. YOUR BARTENDER CAN SEE YOU. I’m making a drink for someone, bald guy at the bar yells, WHEN YOU GET THE CHANCE, THIS GIRL NEEDS A DRINK. This guy. I finish the transaction, take her order, she leaves, then bald guy says, sorry man. I didn’t mean to yell at you. I think I offended her, so I was trying to help her out. I say, great.

You offend her, then you offend me for yelling at me.

You know what bugs me?  People who say, oh my God I can’t believe how cheap drinks are here. Oh let me guess. You’re from the BIIIIIIIG CITY. You go out, and buy twenty dollar Busch Lights. But now you’re here in this small city, and you want the bartender to know that you’re from the BIIIIIIG CITY.

Where the drinks are SOOOOO expensive.

-Clint Curtis


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