How To Make A Perfect Martini

Girl comes up, cute, tattoos, died purple hair. I go up to her, say, what can I get you? She says, you have Hendricks? I say, yeah. She says, I want a perfect Hendricks martini, with a twist.

I say, sure. Coming right up.

I go up to the bottles, stare at them. What the HELL is a perfect martini? I should know this, after bartending for 12 years. In the back recesses of my mind, there sits how to make a perfect martini. But alas, it’s out of reach.

My fellow bartender comes up to me, perfect timing, I say, how do you make a perfect martini? He says,

I think it’s when you use both sweet and dry vermouth.

That’s it!!!

I get the Hendricks gin, pour it in a shaker, then two counts of sweet and dry vermouth. I peel the lemon slice, curl up the rind, put it in, then pour a perfect martini.

Ten minutes later, I go up to her, say, how’s the martini? She says,


Oh you know what she said.

-Clint Curtis


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