Frank’s Outside, Trimming Up The Shrubs

I’m out mowing, it’s about 2:30 in the afternoon. I see Frank’s next door, trimming up Pam’s shrubs. Huh. Man, my shrubs could use some TLC. I finish up the front yard, turn off the mower, go over to Frank. Hey, Frank. How’s it going?  He says, great.

Frank is this super nice guy. He’s actually another one of my neighbors. He lives down the block. He helps out my next door neighbor Pam. She’s retirement age, can’t really do much outside.

I say, hey Frank. What do you think about helping me out? I’ll give you 40 bucks, you come over, trim up my shrubs. He says, oh. You don’t have to do that. I just work for beer. I say, I don’t want you to do it unless I can pay you. He says, alright. I say, great!

I go inside, get him $40, go outside, give it to him.

Thanks Frank!

I go back inside, write a story for the blog, change my clothes, take off.

I get out the door, Frank’s outside, trimming the shrubs. Hey, Frank. Thanks again so much. He says, no problem!

I start walking to the car, Frank calls out,

Hey. Are there any cords I should look out for over here?

I say, yeah. Actually. There’s a cable cord, goes along the wall. He says, ok!  I see it.

I get in the car, drive, get to work, start setting up.

About an hour later, I check my phone, my wife had called, left a message. She took my sons to Adventureland today, an amusement park in Altoona, if you’re not from Iowa.

I check the message, she says, I just got off the phone with Pam. Frank accidentally cut a wire on the South side of our house. I hope it wasn’t the electricity!!!  I guess Frank feels terrible about it.

I text her back, because I have some customers.

That sucks!  Probably the Internet.

About half hour later, there’s a lull at the bar. I go to the stairwell, call the wife.

What’s up?  You home?

She says, no. We’re still at Adventureland.

I say, we gotta figure out what’s going on at the house. I’m gonna call Dick.

We get off the phone, I call Dick. Dick is our neighbor across the street. He has a key to our house.

We have awesome neighbors. Can you tell?

He picks up. Hey Dick, gotta favor.

I tell him what happened.

Can you go over, flip on a light, see if we have electricity? Then, turn on my computer, check the Internet. He says, yep.

I get off the phone, start bartending. My wife is going to FREAK if our electricity is out. I’m a bit stressed at this point.

Five minutes later, I get a text from Dick.

Good news!  Electricity is good. But no internet.

Damn it. I was hoping it was some random cord from some long ago cable hook-up.

I text the wife back, tell her. At least we still have electricity.

I look around the bar, it’s pretty dead. What the hell, I’m calling Mediacom, our internet provider, taking care of this RIGHT NOW so it’s not hanging over my head.

I call Mediacom, make an appointment for a guy to come out on Monday. Looks like no internet for the weekend.

Damn. You never realize how addicted to the Internet you are until you don’t have Internet. Maybe I’ll pick up that book I’ve been staring at for the past three months.

I get back to bartending. Decent music. Couple girls on stage. One of the girls, has these black pants that have about twenty slits down the leg. And they’re tight pants too. How the HELL do you even get those pants ON?

I get a text from the wife:

Just got back from 7 hours at Advertureland. Sucks about the Internet,

But the shrubs look awesome!!!

-Clint Curtis

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