What Not To Order When The Bar Is Slammed

It’s been a long night, martinis, martinis martinis. 

It’s 11:30, still busy, I’d say 20 people waiting for drinks. It’s martini night, so all I’m making are martinis (see above). It’s very refreshing when someone orders something else, like a gin and tonic, or a PBR. 

Unless…

I’m helping a customer, next to me is my fellow bartender. The guy he’s working with says, can I get two Old Fashioneds?

Oh…this guy. 

My fellow bartender makes an audible sigh, goes to make the drinks. 

Let me explain something to you, my friends. Old Fashioneds are a PAIN IN THE ASS to make. Ok, they’re a delicious drink, I understand and admit. But here’s the score. When you look around the bar, and see 20 people waiting for drinks, DON’T ORDER a dang Old Fashioned. Don’t order two Old Fashioneds, even worse!  I’m not saying never order an Old Fashioned. I’m just saying, come up to the bar, look around you, alright, there’s two people at the bar, waiting for drinks, I’ll order an Old Fashioned. Absolutely acceptable. I APPLAUD YOU for ordering such a classic drink. But DON’T order an Old Fashioned when the place is packed. 

Rocks glass, get the cherry, the orange slice, the sugar, the bitters, the muddler, muddle it (10 seconds), ice, pour burboun, grab a big shaker, pour drink in there, shake, pour back into rocks glass, top off with soda water, straw, napkin. 

See what I mean?  Pain in the arse. 

Clint, Clint, you’re in business, the customer wants any kind of drink, if you have all the ingredients, you have to make it. 

Sure. 

You’re at work, you’re swamped. Papers, folders completely cover your desk. You look up, you’ve been at this for six hours straight. There is no end. You could be here until midnight, still not get the work done. 

Your boss barges in with an armload of folders stuffed with documents you need to go through. He says, 

Get to this by the end of the day. 

THAT’S HOW IT FEELS TO THE BARTENDER WHEN YOU ORDER TWO DAMN OLD FASHIONEDS WHEN IT’S SLAMMED AT THE BAR. 

-Clint Curtis

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