Longitude

I’m behind the bar, two girls come up, one blond, one brunette. Ok not blond, dirty blond. You need to IMAGINE IT. 

I take their order, blond…dirty blond, has a necklace with the initials NLA. I say, NLA. Nora Lee Andreas. She says, nope. Try again. I think, then say, Nancy Longitude Alexandria. Dirty blond laughs, says, no. Not it. I say,

That would be an awesome middle name, wouldn’t it?!?!  What a great conversational piece. Tell me something interesting about yourself. Well…my middle name is Longitude. Really?  Longitude?  Yeah, you could spend a half hour talking about that. 

Brunette says, that sounds more like a name for a guy. Maybe Latitude. 

You know what?  That kinda rings true. Latitude does sound more feminine. That Latitude has some serious ATTITUDE. 

I turn to my fellow bartender. Hey Johnny!  Wouldn’t Longitude be a great middle name?  He says, nobody gives a shit about middle names. 

I say, exactly!  So might as well call him LONGITUDE. 

I take the money from the girls, they leave. 

Come to think of it. Her hair has more brown in it than blond. So maybe she’s a dirty brown?

-Clint Curtis

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