Let’s say you want to pick up the game of tennis. You find a racquet, you get some tennis balls, you grab a partner, you start playing. You go out three times a week, play with friends, and after awhile, a year, maybe three, you start getting good. You win most of your games against your friends. You don’t take it too seriously. Then maybe you join a team, and start playing better players than you. A coach comes along one day, watches you play, and says, you need to change up your grip, it’s all wrong. What? I can’t play like that! That’s impossible. You try the new grip for a brief time, and you start losing games. Games you should win, if you only played with your old grip. Then you start to question. Hey, what’s this guy talking about, change up my grip? I was doing just fine with my old grip. I was winning most of my games. Ok, maybe it wasn’t pretty, but it did the job. After awhile, you just give up the new grip, and go back to the old, because you just can’t see it. It’s too hard. And furthermore, maybe that new grip is just not right for me. It doesn’t feel NATURAL. It feels AWKWARD. So you go back to the old grip, start winning those games again against your friends, and
You never get better.
Then one day, you play against a real tennis player, and get SLAUGHTERED.
You think, maybe when I switched up my grip, I should’ve just stuck with it. And practiced MORE. Maybe if I would have played with the new grip, every day, non-stop, at some point, it would’ve clicked. But I just didn’t BELIEVE. I couldn’t see the end result. All I could see is losing those games I would normally win. Maybe if I would’ve just STUCK WITH IT, and BELIEVED that my game would’ve gotten exponentially better by changing my grip, in the end, I would’ve become a better player.
This is a problem with most things in our life. We have a difficult time with CHANGE. Probably because of our inherent fear of failure. And what does that mean? What are we so scared of? We’d rather keep on doing something the wrong way if it kind of works, instead of relearning how to do something the right way. It’s that old saying we cling to, if it aint broken, don’t fix it. But I think this is a bad way of thinking. As we evolve as human beings, the way we do things should evolve. If there’s a better way to do something, clearly, no matter if it makes us “worse” for a time being, we should do it. But there is a road block, and a stubbornness we all have. I know I do. We throw up our hands, and give up all too soon out of laziness and fear, usually. Instead of swallowing our pride, and trying the new way. And sticking with it, come hell or high water.
This is probably one of the main reasons why we keep on doing the same things over and over, and never get better. In relationships we have. Perhaps a lot of times, we do it the wrong way, because no one has ever taught us how to do it the right way. We just “wing it” instead of trying to learn how to do the thing right. Maybe because the right way takes too much effort. And opens us up to the possibility of failing. But I guarantee you will never succeed at anything by doing it in a way that’s not the best way. And if you can find the better way of doing a thing, you should try it, and do it, no matter how many steps back you have to take during the process.