How To Get On A Stewardesses Good Side

I get a text message from one of my managers at the hotel.  Hey, Clint.  Are you available tonight to come in?  I’m needing a server.  I don’t have anything going on, I say, why not?  It’s usually a fun gig serving at the hotel.  People are cool and chill for the most part.  It’s a good atmosphere.

I get in at 4:45, get to it.  Three ladies sit down, I approach.  Hey ladies, how you doing tonight?  My name’s Clint, can I bring you some menus, or are you just having some cocktails?  They say, yes, bring us some menus.  Absolutely, coming right up.

I take their order, a round of drinks, and food.  They ask for suggestions, I give it to them.  One of them says, we’re with the airlines.  I say, stewardesses?  They say, yeah.  I say, cool, cool.  You get a discount.  Remind me again right before I run your tab so I don’t forget.  They say, ok.

It’s around 5:30, pretty chill so far, I’ve got four tables.  Everybody’s being cool, smooth sailing.  I get to talking with the stewardesses some more.  They’re not new to the game.  Seems like they’ve been doing it for awhile.  They’re in their late thirties, early forties.

So…  What’s a pet peeve of yours?  A couple pet peeves?  One of them says, just a couple?  We all laugh.  The one that’s been the most vocal dives in.

She says, first off.  I don’t like when people touch me.  I can’t STAND when people touch me.  Sometimes, they’ll even touch me with their trash.  They’ll tap me with it.  That’s the worst.  Don’t touch me, I don ’t want to be touched.  Sometimes, when they tap me, I’ll just tap them back.

OK, I say.  Never touch the stewardess.

Another thing I hate is in the morning, when the business men run in, they go to the bathroom, and take a BIG SHIT.  It’s like, you’ve had all morning to do it.  Why do you have to run into the plane, and do it in there?  There’s bathrooms in the airport to do that.  We have to be back there where the bathrooms are, and they STINK IT UP, right off the bat.  I can’t stand that.

And then, when we’re back there, and they’re waiting for the toilet, I hate when they lean into us, and say, what are you doing?  What are you reading?  It’s like, NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.

Oh these ladies are classic.  Take notes people.

You know what else I hate?  It’s when someone says, are you having a bad day?  You don’t look like you’re having fun.  You should be smiling more.  I HATE WHEN THEY SAY I SHOULD SMILE MORE.

I can actually relate to this.  It drives me nuts when people have said that to me in the past.

I say, ok, ok.  Those are good pet peeves everybody should know.  What about things you like?  Things that you’ve found considerate?

One of them says, CHOCOLATE.  I LOVE when people bring me chocolate.  NOT the cheap kind.  The good kind.

I say, people have brought you chocolate?

She says, oh yeah.  Usually around the holidays.  You want to get yourself a free round of drinks?  Bring the stewardesses chocolate.

Huh.  I have to say, I’ve never thought about bringing the stewardesses chocolate before, but it’s a good idea.

She says, anything that shows you’re being considerate, and thoughtful.  Goes a long way.

I’m DEFINITELY going to do that next time I fly.  Get on the stewardesses good side.

Lord knows that’s a good place to be.



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