You Got Busch Light?

Last night, I got my ass handed to me.  The Deer Classic Convention was in town, and they like to drink.  Here’s how most of my conversations went like last night:

Hey how you doing?  Good…give me two Busch Lights, two Coors Lights, a Double Crown and Diet, and a Captain Coke.  Sorry, sir.  We don’t have Busch Light.  What?  No, Busch Light?  No, sorry, sir.  No Busch Light.  Hm…Well, then, give me four Coors Lights.  A double Crown and Diet…  (Looks over shoulder)…Hey Joe, you wanna drink?  Yeah, get me a Busch Light.  They don’t have Busch Light.  No Busch Light?  Yeah, they got Coors…You got Bud Light?  Yes, sir.  We have Bud Light.  Bud?  Yes, we have Bud.  (Looks back over shoulder)  They got Bud Light, Coors Light, and Bud.  They got Miller Light?  (Turns back)  You got Miller Light?  Yes, we have Miller Light.  (Looks back to Joe).  Yeah, they got Miller Light.  Aw Hell, just give me a Crown and Coke.  Crown and Coke?  You wanna double?  Yeah, make it a double.  In a tall glass.  (Turns back).  Ok.  He wants a Crown and Coke.  Ok, so four Coors Lights, a Double Crown and Diet.  A Captain and Coke, and a Double Crown and Coke Tall.  Correct?  Hang on a second.  (Turns back over his shoulder).  Hey Jack.  You want something?  Yeah, get me a Busch Light.  They don’t GOT Busch Light.  They got….

I imagine my hell being behind the bar, with this never-ending conversation that goes on and on for all eternity with no cigarette breaks in between.

And it’s not Coors Light…  it’s Kerrs Light.




Tips For The Voice-Over Actor

I was having a discussion with a friend of mine about the art of listening.  It’s something every actor needs to master.  Without listening, we are bad actors.  Just memorizing lines, and saying them how we’d say them to ourself in the mirror.  When you listen, things becomes active, and in the moment.  Your fellow actor says a line, and how they say the line will affect how you say your line.

Let’s take things a bit further now.  Every actor needs to find their voice, and that’s extremely complicated.  Once you put a microphone or a camera in front of a person’s face, their performance will inevitably change.  Why does it?  Insecurity plays a part.  We feel as humans that we’re just not good enough.  Therefore, when a camera gets in our face, we feel the need to “put some ketchup on it.”

We are always listening, and we don’t necessarily know that we’re doing it.  When someone is talking, we give off the appearance of listening.  Start listening, see what happens.  Don’t formulate the next thing you’re going to say halfway thru their monologue.  That’s not listening.  Here’s the question…  Are you listening when you’re talking?  Yes, we are, when done well.  You don’t know when the person is going to talk next, so when you’re talking, and want to have a good conversation, you should be listening as well, because you never know when they might interject with something, to add to the conversation.

After a year of auditioning for voice-over gigs, I’ve learned a couple things.  My recent discovery is you should be attuned to the possibility of someone saying something back to you while doing the audition.  Ok, that doesn’t make sense, Clint.  Well if you want to give the impression that your audition is conversational, you should be “on your toes” if something perhaps magical happens, and your computer starts talking to you, so you can realistically respond to that.  I know that’s probably not going to happen, but you should be in that mode of thinking.

Another discovery I’ve made is maybe we’re not trying to find our voice, but we’re trying to find our breath.  In a voice-over audition, you should not take a huge breath before you start speaking, and rush thru the lines.  That’s not realistic.  After doing it a couple times, you need to find the places where you breathe.  I think this is a breakthrough idea.  Perhaps it’s not the words we say that is important.  But it’s where we find the moments to NATURALLY breathe that is most important.

Besides smokers, I think people are inherently afraid to take a deep breath, as if God mights say, hey, man.  You’re taking up too much air!  Don’t be greedy.  To find your voice, a big part of it will be to find your breath.

Then you’ll start booking some voice-over gigs, like I hope to do.  God knows I have auditioned over 100 times, and nothing yet.


Men In High Heels Holiday

I’m doing some banquet bartending last night for the Black & Blue Ball, honoring cops from around the state of Iowa.  I worked it the previous year, and it was a really good experience, and most importantly, a profitable night.

Last night turned out to be another successful event.  The people in attendance were respectful, and generous.  Cops, wives, friends and families of cops.  The saddest story of the night was told by a spouse of a cop who was killed in the line of duty.  Seeing him get up to speak was heartwrenching.  I really respected how he got up, and let it all hang out, telling stories about his deceased wife, and the moments with her that made him joyful.  I can’t imagine the pain the guy went thru.  Makes you want to hug your wife and kids even stronger.

Near the end of the night, people are getting their groove on.  Always hilarious watching white people dancing.  It’s awkward, but they looked like they were having fun, and that’s all that matters.  A lot of the ladies, by around 11pm, were walking around barefoot, their high heels left at their table, or carried around by their fingertips.  I wonder when is the appropriate time for a woman to get out of those heels at a party.  Is it after the third drink?  The fourth?  I sure as hell don’t blame them.  How you ladies walk around in those heels on a daily basis is impressive.  It’s like you’re stilt walkers, from home, to office, to party, to home.  My feet at the end of the night were sore from standing 10 hours in comfortable tennis shoes.  I can’t imagine yours.

I think there should be a holiday every year where MEN have to wear heels.  Just so we could literally “put ourselves in their shoes.”  I think men would get a new understanding, and respect, for women on what they put themselves thru for fashion.  And wouldn’t it be hilarious to watch all these guys try to get around wearing high heels.  Make it in the winter time, where there’s ice, and make it extra-challenging for them.




Where’s The Wave?

It’s 8 in the morning, I’m driving the kids to school.  I stop at the stoplight on 44th, and Franklin, there’s a car in front of me, with their left turn signal on.  The light turns green, and I wave to the person in front of me, that they can go first.  She does so, then I take a right, following behind her.

We’re driving halfway down the block, and I realize, I didn’t get “the wave.”  You know, when someone is kind enough to let you go in front of them, you give them the wave.  I am a staunch supporter of the wave, and practice it religiously.  Not only will I wave, but I go as far as rolling my window down, sticking my arm out, and dramatically wave my hand, just to show how EXTRA appreciative I am for their kindness.  But with this woman…WHERE’S THE WAVE?!?  Nada.  Nothing.  WHO does she think she is, not giving the wave?  Taking my enormous generosity for granted. She may have been sitting at the light an extra 4 seconds if it wasn’t for me.  For all I know, she may have been almost late for work, and because of ME, she won’t be now.  How RUDE!

I get the kids to school early, I pull up in front of the school.  Good luck, have fun.  No dad, pull around to the back of the school, drop us off.  Why?  You got two legs, get out and walk 30 feet!  No dad, just go.

These people.  You know when I was young, I walked four miles…in the snow…

Yada, yada, yada.


Men Sharing Dessert

I’m at lunch today with my old boss Amedeo Rossi. The man of the hour, Mr. 80/35. We’re at HoQ, a “farm-to-table” restaurant in the East Village.

Our server comes over. What would you guys like? I say, I’ll have the lamb Gyro. Deo says, I’ll have the same.

C’mon, bro. We can’t get the same thing! Peeps be getting ideas about us.

The server says, you guys ok with the fries? I’m like, yeah, perfect, love the fries, but then Deo says, how about…could I get some salad?

Great. He pulls the old, I’m gonna eat something HEALTHY. I CAN’T EAT THE FRIES WHEN MY BRO BE EATING THE SALAD.

Dang it. Yeah get me the salad, too. Sheesh.

The salad comes, and, guess what?!? The salad be having BEETS in it. Homey don’t play that. Beets be super nast. I can’t even stand smelling beets, I’m out the door.

Deo, you want my beets?

He says, nah. I don’t like beets.

We eat. We talk. We’re like old grannies playing Bridge gossiping. Where dah men at?!?!

(Looks around)

Not here!

We finish the meal, our server comes over. You want some dessert? Dessert? Deo says, no thanks. I’m like, hell, yeah! I want CAKE. Bring two forks.

(Hm…is it ok for two heterosexual men to share a dessert? Fuk it. I don’t care.)

The dessert comes, and we dig in like piggies at a trough.

On my third bite, there’s a long hair in the dessert. I hold the fork aloft to Deo.

There’s………a hair.

Deo grabs the hair delicately, tosses the hair to the ground.

I ask, understandably, do we finish it?

As MEN do in this situation, we MEN shrug our shoulders,

And dig back in.




Got Tape?

I’m starting a little side-hustle, doing commercial demo reels for actors in the Des Moines area. If you live in Iowa, with stars in your eyes, you can contact me for a private coaching session for the camera.  All levels of experience welcome.  Email:

Below is an example of what I can do starring local actor Nicole Crawford.


Remembering People’s Names

I’m behind the bar, around 6ish.  Two guys sit, sipping craft beers, we get to talking.  One of them asks my name, I say, Clint.  Curtis.

Over the years, I’ve learned to say my name.  What?  What do you mean learn to say your name?  I mean this.  OWNING your name with confidence.  After conquering that feat, I’ve made it a PRIORITY to learn people’s name.  The #1 most important part of business is learning people’s names.  I would even go as far as one of the most important things to do.  If you can wake up in the morning at a decent hour, get in the shower, shave, and eat a semblance of a good breakfast, learn people’s names and you’re bound for plentiful success.

I ask, what’s your names?  They say, Aaron and Josh.  I say out loud:  Aaron and Josh.  Aaron and Josh.  Aaron and Josh.  Aaron and Josh.  Josh nods, and says, you got it.

They leave after awhile, I bartend, and it’s an absolute shitshow.  Get a pot, put in WRESTLING TOURNAMENT, add in BACON FEST with a sprinkle of two weddings and a bachelorette party, and that was my night.  Am I complaining?  HELL NO.  See previous post:  I Like Money.

The two guys from before stroll in at midnight.  They’ve had a productive night, I can see it in their eyes.  I say, what’s up fellas?  One of them says, you remember our names?  I take a moment to check my memory bank, then say,

Aaron and Josh!

Aaron says, Yes!  …Now I feel guilty.  I don’t remember yours.

Bill Clinton taught me a very important lesson, and I always love to tell this story.  When he was in his early 20’s, and met someone for the first time, he’d get out a little notepad, and write the person’s name in it.  30 years later, he’s President, and sees the guy, and says, hey Frank!  And THAT is why the guy became President.

Ok.  He did some other stuff too.